Lessons learned, Time to move on

Finally summer is over, starting from Monday is a whole new fall semester. This has been an exciting, amazing, frustrating and painful summer. It has taught me all new concepts in life. It has been really a wonderful learning experience. 

Let me unfold one thing at a time. 

Summer started with a glorious award ceremony. All my dear friends attended this ceremony and made me feel special for a day. Thank you guys! It will be mean not to mention about the friend, who took special efforts to convenience me to buy a new pair of formal shoes and few good formal shirts. Thank you for everything you did!!! Though, you were physically not present for the event, I admire your help in every small thing you did for the preparation. This goes without saying that your selection of Tie (design and color) and combination of suit was appreciated by almost everyone! 

First session of summer was packed with the work. Teaching and research both gave kind of pleasure of being in the world of academia. Before going too much into the work related details, I should mention about the amazing camping trek I went for.

One of my friend called me a day before and told me to be ready for a trek next day. Without any exception, it was one of the most happiest outing I have ever had! We went for Mount Colden in Adirondacks. It was simply great! It was an experience where simply being in the presence of nature could purge your body and soul! It is worth mentioning about the friend who invited me for this great adventure! Thank you again!! (Yes, it is the same person who selected the tie ;)) Without your company, beautiful nature was meaningless. You defined it! Alas! I realized it bit late! 

Let me get back to my work! My typical day use to be somewhat like this. Grade papers, prepare for day's teaching, teach for 3 hours (Teaching Organic Chemistry in summer is no fun by any means!!!), do experiments in the evening after teaching, analyze the data in the night. Repeat the cycle next day! 

However, what was more satisfying was my research! It was that phase of the project where you perform experiments and get thrilled by the results. We observed something which was never known to anyone in my field. My professor was stunned by the results. All the experiments I did, pointed us in one unique direction to conclude something radical. However all the evidences we were getting were indirect in nature. We needed one solid proof!!! I was still happy. 

Meanwhile, my friend from Texas flew to Albany. We had an amazing time together, along with my other friends, we went to Niagara, roamed around the Albany, had all the fun we could. Those three days were fun filled. I wish I could have known that trip to Niagara was going to change the direction of wind for next few months. It goes without saying that I met my friend there again (yes the same person as camping ;))  along with my other friends. Thank you for your hospitality! I did not realize that time, why I was so much tensed when you told me about the horrible accident you met while going back from camping after dropping me in Albany. I won't be exaggerating if I will say "You were gifted to be saved". Did I tell you, I smoked few puffs (which I never do in my life), after leaving your apartment? 

Alright, so I was all set with the data to prepare abstract for a conference. My professor thought that, those indirect evidences were enough to prepare the abstract, at the same time continuing to work on the direct evidence to be ready before the actual conference. All said and done, my abstract was selected for the conference.

So here I am in a situation where glass is half filled or half empty.  If you may not have guessed by now, as I did that time. "I was deeply in love with the person I have kept mentioning till now". On the other hand I was under the pressure to find the direct evidence to support our radical hypothesis which will change the future direction of the many researchers working in my field. 

Life is beautiful but not simple. 'If' and 'then' don't hold meaning in real life. You have to accept certain facts.

It all started with one of the analytical tools getting broken down, which was doing analysis of my critical samples. Every possible experiment I did to prove the point, simply did not work. It wasn't that it was giving us negative answer. It was just that "that particular experiment was not able to give us any answer.. either positive or negative"..   My frustration level was near saturation. On the other hand, It became increasingly difficult to keep silence about my feelings.

Here is I think I did this first mistake.. in both cases! I ASSUMED!!!!! 

I assumed, my experiments will work! I assumed I will gather evidence. It was not the blind belief we were targeting at! It was based on some solid experimentation. Only thing that it was INDIRECT!!! I assumed, I will get that direct confirmation. I assumed she will accept my love. It was not the blind belief I was targeting at! It was based on some solid experience. Only thing that it was INDIRECT!!! 

Why the heck I assumed???

Things started to collapse slowly. 

One fine day, I decided to ask her. (26th July..!!! none from Mumbai will be surprised at my fate :P)  Knowing the fate before hand, I explained her my feelings. To my dismay, she said.. I don't think it will work (for various reasons) but still let me think. For the first time somebody thought I was worth at least "thinking" about. Ask, that main fountain in my campus, how much happy I was for the next few days. Yes, you are right... till the day when she called me just to explain how "she doesn't have any feelings for me"   I was speechless. It was difficult for me  to digest this fact. 

How will I forget all this? Somehow whole life was spun around her! There is so much to write about each day I spent after that. Let's not get into details. 

One fine day, my professor decided to end the matter with the conference. She explained me how she doesn't think it will be worth presenting poster in a conference without one solid evidence. You can again ask that main fountain in my campus what I was feeling after that. I was speechless again. 

So, what I have learned, and how will I move on? 

I may not be able to describe what I have learned, but this is how I think I will move on. 

She was the first person till now, whom I have loved so much. Need not to say, I still feel the same. I have explained her every bit of possible thing I could. I spoke with her on phone, wrote her letter (email), talked to her in person. Every time assuring her only one thing.."how much I love her"   Everything said and done, I have given my 100%, now I can be at least satisfied for my efforts. "कर्मणयेवाधीकारस्ते ...." !!! 

About my research, I have tried many possible techniques I could. I am still not done, and every new day I am improvising on my efforts. 

So how is my life now? I am shifting to a new apartment from tomorrow. So almost busy with transferring petty luggage to my new apartment and making it ready for living. From Monday Fall semester will begin. Being senior member, I have more responsibilities in terms of teaching. Ganpati Festival, we celebrated for last seven days in my old apartment has given me new strength and confidence about myself. 

I hope and I wish to remain busy with my work and other social activities which will help me focus back on work. Last but not the least, after this fall semester I am excited to go back home for vacation. (only if everything happens according to plan :P)

Before I end this post, I have a small request for all my readers. I am really thankful to all your support so for. I am always thrilled to find so many unknown people reading my blog. 

If you all care about me, pray for me. Off course you know what to pray ;) I haven't yet given up. 

If by any chance it is possible for you, please please please do comment!!!!! 

--Al chemist